It's odd how memory works. I haven't thought of him in almost a month. Then suddenly while driving I see a blue car, and the effect is almost instant. It's that feeling of unbearable longing as everything comes back to me, how good it was at the beginning, how bad it was in the end. I go through what was a month of thought in less than a minute. All I'm left with is emptiness.
Why even bother? I think the only thing that can come of trying another relationship is me getting hurt. But there's always this nagging feeling inside me that I'm letting the one get away. I cope with it through hate. Hate is my shield. In my contempt I am safe.